I had the opportunity recently to serve as a mediator between two estranged parties. Each person is interested in helping a third person, but they are unable to cooperate with each other. At a particular point in the conversation, one aimed his angry comments directly at me. I was able to calmly respond because I knew he wasn’t really upset with me, I just happened to be available to absorb the heat of his frustration.

Sadly, this behavior is not all that unusual with any of us. I have a tendency to throw my fiery darts of frustration my husband’s way, even when I am not really frustrated with him at all. I am grateful that he is often able to discern that and does not retaliate, but many times it is this type of incident that births division in otherwise healthy relationships.

How then can we choose a better way? How can we choose to deflect the hurtful words and actions of others in a way that results in mercy, grace, forgiveness, and healing instead of anger, resentment, bitterness, and more pain? What does God ask us to do (and not do) when we become the target of insults and persecution?

Do not retaliate.

“Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult.” 

1 Peter 3:9a

The idea of refusing to retaliate echos throughout Scripture. Over and over God explains that we should leave justice up to HIm.

“’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

We have a choice in our reactions to the behavior and words of others. Will we choose to take revenge ourselves – allowing the enemy of our souls to dictate our response? Or will we give it over to God and protect our hearts from the dangers of bitterness and resentment? Can we truly trust ourselves to provide justice without any evil thought or prideful actions? Can we trust God that He can provide peace between people and peace in our hearts?

In the article, “Forgiveness and Entrusting Justice to God,” Max Lucado explains why we should leave justice in God’s hands:

“He guarantees the right retribution. We give too much or too little. But the God of justice has the precise prescription. Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never.”

– Max Lucado

Our motive is self-preservation and pride. God’s motive is peace and righteousness of all.

Bless.

“On the contrary, repay evil with blessing,” 

1 Peter 3:9b

The word blessing here means to speak good of someone, praise them, or do something good. In other words, encourage not discourage. This is so hard to do in the face of ugliness, but Jesus set the example for us.

“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”

1 Peter 2:23

What does it look like to bless someone who is evil to us? In the sermon, “The Final Step: Blessing Your Enemies,” Pastor Ray Pritchard lists 7 ways to live this out practically:

1. Greet them.
2. Disarm them.
3. Do good to them.
4. Refuse to speak evil of them.
5. Thank God for them.
6. Pray for them.
7. Ask God to bless them.

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”

Romans 12:20-21

But why?

“Because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”

1 Peter 3:9b

1. We are called. God calls us to put off the old self and put on the new self. (Ephesians 4:22-24) He calls us to honor others before ourselves. (Romans 12:10) He calls us to consider eternity first. (Colossians 3:2)
2. We will be rewarded. (James 1:12)
3. We can make a way for the other person. God is always interested in reconciliation. His desire is for each one of us to come to Him in repentance and to have a relationship with Him.  (2 Peter 3:9) When we step back and allow God to deal with the actions of the one that has hurt us, we open the door for Him to do the work necessary to bring them to Him.