by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“Who do I speak to report something?” I asked the lady that looked like she might be a manager at the Cracker Barrel the other day.
“What do you need to report?” she asked hesitantly.
“Our waitress was amazing this morning.” I said with a smile. “We think she deserves another gold star!”
The manager beamed as she called back to the kitchen on her radio to “report” that one of the servers had been commended. As I glanced around, everyone was smiling – the hostesses, the lady at the register, the customers waiting to be seated. Grace makes an impact on everyone!
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:9
How can we “give grace” to those who hear? Grace can be described as goodwill, kindness, favor, and thanks. Here are a few ways to give grace to the people around you.
- Use your words: say “Thank you!” or “I appreciate you!” or any other words that express gratitude or praise. In response, use gentleness and kindness.
- Lend a hand: look for ways to serve others. Use your gifts to do things that others cannot do for themselves. Consider doing a good deed anonymously.
- Give a gift: a jar of fresh flowers, a card, a batch of cookies, anything that says,
“I care about you!”
- Listen: ask questions that enable others to share what is important or concerning for them. Be patient and engaged and compassionate. Be willing to just listen without offering advice.
- Offer forgiveness: understand that saying, “I forgive you” is not the same as saying, “It’s okay.”
- Ask for forgiveness: recognize your own failures and mistakes and humbly ask for forgiveness.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Colossians 4:6
by wendy | Aug 14, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
Harsh words and hurtful actions often say more about the person dishing them out than the one receiving them. When we are able to “Pause, Pray, and Preach to ourselves” in the face of insults, we give God the opportunity to reveal to us how He sees the other person and how we can be a part of building them up instead of tearing them down. What changes might we see in our world if we could choose to leave retribution up to God and instead focus on how we might help heal their hearts?
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,”
Luke 6:27
4 Ideas for Encouraging Your Discouragers:
- Only say encouraging words. Romans 12:14 tell us “bless and do not curse” and Proverbs 18:21 says that “the tongue has the power of life and death.” Even though we were taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” the Bible teaches us that we should actively speak blessings over our enemies.
- Pray for them. Sometimes boundaries are necessary for harmful relationships, but we can always pray. The Bible teaches us that prayer is a powerful form of warfare – and lest we forget, we are always at war with the enemy of our souls – the true enemy. Prayer also does a work in our own hearts and provides us with peace.
- Give a gift. A friend of mine once shared a special way that she deals with someone who insults her or hurts her feelings. First, she spends time praying for the person, then she purchases or makes a thoughtful gift for them. In this process, her heart is protected from bitterness and the other person is often softened by her response.
- Do something good for them. This idea is straight from the verse above – do good to those who hate you. Remember – whatever you do, do it as for the Lord! If you are having difficulty thinking of a service you can perform for your discourager, pray that God will provide you with an opportunity.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.”
Colossians 3:23
by wendy | Aug 12, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
I had the opportunity recently to serve as a mediator between two estranged parties. Each person is interested in helping a third person, but they are unable to cooperate with each other. At a particular point in the conversation, one aimed his angry comments directly at me. I was able to calmly respond because I knew he wasn’t really upset with me, I just happened to be available to absorb the heat of his frustration.
Sadly, this behavior is not all that unusual with any of us. I have a tendency to throw my fiery darts of frustration my husband’s way, even when I am not really frustrated with him at all. I am grateful that he is often able to discern that and does not retaliate, but many times it is this type of incident that births division in otherwise healthy relationships.
How then can we choose a better way? How can we choose to deflect the hurtful words and actions of others in a way that results in mercy, grace, forgiveness, and healing instead of anger, resentment, bitterness, and more pain? What does God ask us to do (and not do) when we become the target of insults and persecution?
Do not retaliate.
“Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult.”
1 Peter 3:9a
The idea of refusing to retaliate echos throughout Scripture. Over and over God explains that we should leave justice up to HIm.
“’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Ephesians 4:26-27
We have a choice in our reactions to the behavior and words of others. Will we choose to take revenge ourselves – allowing the enemy of our souls to dictate our response? Or will we give it over to God and protect our hearts from the dangers of bitterness and resentment? Can we truly trust ourselves to provide justice without any evil thought or prideful actions? Can we trust God that He can provide peace between people and peace in our hearts?
In the article, “Forgiveness and Entrusting Justice to God,” Max Lucado explains why we should leave justice in God’s hands:
“He guarantees the right retribution. We give too much or too little. But the God of justice has the precise prescription. Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never.”
– Max Lucado
Our motive is self-preservation and pride. God’s motive is peace and righteousness of all.
Bless.
“On the contrary, repay evil with blessing,”
1 Peter 3:9b
The word blessing here means to speak good of someone, praise them, or do something good. In other words, encourage not discourage. This is so hard to do in the face of ugliness, but Jesus set the example for us.
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
1 Peter 2:23
What does it look like to bless someone who is evil to us? In the sermon, “The Final Step: Blessing Your Enemies,” Pastor Ray Pritchard lists 7 ways to live this out practically:
- Greet them.
- Disarm them.
- Do good to them.
- Refuse to speak evil of them.
- Thank God for them.
- Pray for them.
- Ask God to bless them.
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12:20-21
But why?
“Because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
1 Peter 3:9b
- We are called. God calls us to put off the old self and put on the new self. (Ephesians 4:22-24) He calls us to honor others before ourselves. (Romans 12:10) He calls us to consider eternity first. (Colossians 3:2)
- We will be rewarded. (James 1:12)
- We can make a way for the other person. God is always interested in reconciliation. His desire is for each one of us to come to Him in repentance and to have a relationship with Him. (2 Peter 3:9) When we step back and allow God to deal with the actions of the one that has hurt us, we open the door for Him to do the work necessary to bring them to Him.
by wendy | Aug 6, 2020 | Tips for Encouraging Others, Uncategorized
It appears that one of the effects of the current pandemic is the number of people re-evaluating their lives and making significant changes. Retirement, school decisions, career changes, moving, downsizing, and reconnecting are just a few of the transitions I have noticed in many of the people I know. In addition to these purposeful shifts, are the changes people face every day – many of those not by choice: empty nest, divorce, loss of loved one, job loss, financial difficulty, etc.
It is difficult to know how to help in many of these situations, but we can be intentional about noticing those in the midst of transition and strive to do what can to offer them encouragement.
8 ways to encourage those in the midst of change:
1.Be a friend.
Reach out to check on those you know that are in a time of transition in their lives. Ask how they are doing and let them know you are thinking of them. Each of the tips below are practical ways to live this out, but being consistent through the time of changing will speak to the sincerity of your friendship.
2. Extend an invitation.
Times of change or transition can seem the most lonely. Invite someone that is dealing with change to go out for coffee or a meal. Ask them to join you in church or Bible study. Include them in your family’s plans or bring them into your circle of friends. Let them know that they are not alone.
3. Listen (without offering advice).
Call and ask how they are doing and then listen. Sit with them and offer your presence and nonjudgemental ear. Be a sounding board as they work through their options, their ideas, and their grief.
4. Offer a helping hand.
Fix a meal, clean their house, help fold laundry, pick up groceries, run errands, mow the grass, weed the flower bed, take out the trash, babysit, make a list, go to the post office, make phone calls, help pack, drive to the doctor’s appointment, feed the dog – whatever the needs, offer to help – or when appropriate just do it.
5. Speak or write words of encouragement.
Send a note, make the call, say the words. Here are few good ones:
“I hear you.”
“I love you.”
“I am thinking about you.”
“I am praying for you.”
“You are important to me.”
“You are on my mind.”
“Your friendship is a blessing to me.”
“I want to be an encouragement to you.”
“How can I specifically pray for you?”
6. Share helpful resources.
Times of transition can be lonely, confusing, and overwhelming. If you have been through a similar transition or change, you likely have helpful resources you can share. If not, connect them with another friend who shares the experience.
7. Pray.
Pray for God’s direction, strength, and help in the midst of the transition. Ask how you can specifically pray. Send a note to remind them you are praying. Follow up to know how you can continue to pray. Pray with them whenever possible.
8. Remember the blessings.
It can be very hard to see the blessings in the midst of transition. Help them to recall the blessings by asking specifically and pointing out the good that is happening. Consider writing the blessing down for them so they can look back over those later or suggesting that they journal the blessings they see.
by wendy | Aug 4, 2020 | Encouragement For Your Heart, Uncategorized
Jerry and I are finding ourselves very near a crossroads of our lives. The empty nest stage is literally months away, and we have the option to change the direction of our course. We can certainly stay right where we are – same house, same jobs, same hobbies, same habits – or we can choose change. It’s a bit scary – yes! – but it is also exciting. We love adventure and dreaming and possibilities, but we also love God and we want to follow HIs direction for our lives. We don’t want to stay where we have always been out of fear and we don’t want to leave it all behind based on a whim. How, then, do Jerry and I go about interpreting what God’s will is for our next season?
“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.”
Proverbs 16:9
It seems that we have been hearing this voice inside of us for a while. I have always felt called to “go” and I have mostly interpreted that as a call to missions. While that has only played out in my life in small, temporary ways, I have a missional heart and some wanderlust. Jerry, while he is adventurous in spirit, loves to be at home. But serving and helping are undeniably his gifts. Together, we see a pattern leading to a future of mission and ministry. As some of our responsibilities change, there are few excuses for following that calling.
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”
Ephesians 2:10
Within the last few years, several things have happened to turn our hearts toward this direction. Even as we knew our kids were growing older and becoming independent, we were still building a dream that would tie us to our home. We loved the possibilities right there on our corner of the world and it seemed to fit with what we had always wanted, but looking back we can see where we veered off the path and chose our own way. As we were struggling through the literal “building” of that dream, God brought it to a sudden halt through several difficult circumstances. He first paused us with red tape from our county, and then when we continued on, He dropped a tree right in the middle of the project!
In the article, “5 Ways to Know You Are Right Where God Wants You”, Meg Bucher says, “We can ask for God’s audible voice of direction in our lives, but if we’re not willing to pull over and listen, frustration will take over.” And that is just what had begun to happen in our lives. Thankfully, God used a tree to get our attention and we listened!
Author Bill Blankschaen, in his article, “How to Know What God Wants You to Do Next” asks 3 questions to help us discern if we are stuck:
- What if the greatest risk you face is of a story left unlived?
- What if true security comes not from what you can see, but what you can’t see?
- And what if your story becomes worth telling not for the bruises you avoid but for the giants you face—and defeat?
Jerry and I have begun to know that we have a story to tell – and to live! – and we know that God has used those difficult experiences (along with others!) to move us out of our comfort zones and into action.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”
Romans 8:28
It can be really hard to consider difficult things good, but God knew that what we were planning was not good for us – and it wasn’t His purpose for us or for our home. The moment that tree fell, I knew it was time for a change. It has taken some time, but Jerry and I came to an understanding that it might be time to move. We felt God calling us to clean up our space, clean up our commitments, and clean up our finances so that we could be free for the next step! So we began to pray – and we got to work.
“In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.”
Proverbs 3:6
Jerry and I still are not exactly sure of the plan. We know we are to move forward in the cleaning up and getting ready process, and, as we are obedient, we trust that God will give us the next step when He is ready.
“The steps of a man are established by the Lord, when he delights in his way;”
Psalm 37:23
Here a few of the ways Jerry and are walking in obedience as we wait for the Lord’s direction:
1.We pray together.
Jerry and I discovered the power of praying as a couple when one of our children was struggling with addiction. We knew that the difficulties we were facing could tear us apart or pull us closer together. We began to pray daily as a team to ask for God’s protection and His strength and wisdom. We were amazed at the work we saw God do in our son and in our marriage during that time. We have continued to pray together and we believe it has helped us to discern our dreams and direction.
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.”
James 1:5
2. We talk about our dreams often.
Jerry and I both are verbal processors. As we discuss our thoughts, we allow our dreams to be guided by God through the wisdom and knowledge of others and each other. In my own creative mind, my imagination can go off on tangents, but Jerry keeps me grounded. In Jerry’s logical brain, he can get stuck in the same thinking, while I am able to help him think outside of the box. We also love to surround ourselves with people who know more than we do about many things and we highly respect their opinions.
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety.”
Proverbs 11:14
3. We set goals and write them down.
In the last year, Jerry and I have made it a practice to “meet” together to discuss our plans and our finances. These planning sessions inspire us and set us in reality at the same time. It is very exciting to see things crossed off the list and goals being met, and these “meetings” help us remember that we are a team. Sometimes, the numbers and number of tasks on the list can seem overwhelming, but as we have been patiently waiting (and doing), we are beginning to see the fruit.
“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
4. We do the work.
Keeping our eyes on the goal helps us persevere in the work. It can often seem like we are getting nowhere, but there is reward in rolling up our sleeves and getting busy. Waiting on the Lord is often an active stance (not passive). The miracles are seen in the way He multiplies our efforts and binds us together in the process. We believe that we understand the direction, but even if we are off the mark, we are more easily guided when we are in motion. Jerry and I pray that God will use our efforts to place us right where He wants us – even if that is not where we imagined at all!
“The journey on which you go is under the eye of the Lord.”
Judges 18:6
I love this quote by Meg Buchar!
“Trust that we are not placed on this earth coincidently. God will bring people and situations in our lives in His perfect timing. Our task is to love the best we can with what we’ve been given. When we pay attention to the people and the work God placed in our lives, the journey becomes more enjoyable.”
We look forward to sharing the journey as we move forward and we would love it if you would include us in your prayers!
