by wendy | Jul 30, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Hospitality, Prayer, Tips for Encouraging Others
Tuesday seemed like a day for everything bad to happen! All day long I received news of difficult things that people I know were going through. Several people fell and were seriously injured, a house burnt down, a friend began to notice signs of dementia in a loved one, several of my kids had stressful days, it seemed to go on and on. Even those who didn’t experience specific trauma seemed weary – the world seems weary.
I often have to remind myself that, while I want to be supportive, I need to not take on the weariness of others. Instead I must search for ways to encourage those that are weary. I need to pause, pray, and preach to myself so I can find my strength in the Lord and pass on that strength to those that need it.
“The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.”
Isaiah 50:4
Here are a few ideas for encouraging the weary:
1.Share the Word
God’s strength is available for each of us. His word gives us hope – and hope strengthens us! Share Scripture on your social media, write a verse in a card (or use one of the enclosure cards in the newsletter this week!), memorize Scripture so you can share it in the moment, post Scripture in your home, car, and office.
2. Give a gift
My Bible Study group once gave me a gift card for a massage when I was going through a very difficult time. A friend sent me a book of uplifting stories when I was down. Gifts are wonderful expressions of encouragement and can be practical and meaningful at the same time. An inspirational print, a gift card for coffee or a treat, a pretty scarf or t-shirt, a new mug – so many ideas!
3. Sit and Listen
Invite someone over to sit in your space and relax. Whether you offer a cup of coffee, breakfast or lunch, or a glass of ice water on the back porch – just providing someone a safe place to rest is key.
4. Say a Prayer
After listening to someone pour out their heart about their struggles and exhaustion, ask if you can pray with them. A simple prayer to ask God to give them rest and to thank Him for what He is doing is all that is needed. The best encouragement we can offer is to carry someone right into the presence of God!
5. Share Your Story
It is difficult to find hope in the midst of weariness. A tired and empty spirit is often dry and weak. When you share your experience of how God has lifted you out of those times, you share hope and give strength. Even if your experience is not identical (it never is!), just the reminder that God is able can be enough to pull someone out of the pit of despair and give them an anchor to hold on to.
“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
Jeremiah 31:25
by wendy | Jul 28, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships
Jerry and I went for a walk early this morning. We know we should exercise every day, but today we actually did it. We walk down our rural road – under the shade of the trees that hang over the pavement, past the cows on the neighboring farm, sometimes all the way to the creek in the curve at the bottom of the hill. It is a pleasant walk on the way down, but we trudge uphill all the way back! As I struggled to keep up with my husband this morning, I had to keep reminding myself that walking is an important discipline to strengthen my weak legs.
“No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
Hebrews 12:11
There are so many things in life that are hard. It seems like this particular time in the world is more difficult than any I can remember before. I often hear people complain that if God really loved us, He wouldn’t allow us to go through difficult things. I even read a post recently that suggested that God enjoyed our disappointments. I thought about all the times I have allowed my kids to go through something difficult because I knew they would grow from it and I remember that it is my love that kept me from “saving” them from the struggle. I want my children to be strong and able to withstand the storms I know they will face, so I lovingly walk alongside them through challenges instead of taking on those challenges for them. I am grateful to know that my Heavenly Father walks alongside me as well.
“Endure hardship as discipline, God is treating you as His children.”
Hebrews 12:7
Even as difficult as those hills are on our journey back home, I always choose that particular road for our walk instead of the street in front of our house. There are less hills to climb along that way, but there is a long stretch of road that tilts sideways and my ankles have a tendency to turn. While my legs are typically screaming on that last incline, I would much prefer a steep but level path than risk injury along the easy way.
“Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. Make level paths for your feet, so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.”
Hebrews 12:12-13
We should be able to apply this same concept to our attitude toward life and righteousness. We can choose the more difficult path over the easier path that might lead to a fall or setback. Doing the right thing is hard, living a holy life is strenuous, forgiveness and mercy and love require constant effort and choice. The Bible uses words like throw off, cast aside, resist, make every effort, endure – this is not light and fluffy language – we should not be fooled into thinking the journey will be easy.
“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord.”
Hebrews 12:14
Suddenly I understand – strengthening my weak self is not just about me – I choose to follow God’s ways because it helps others to be strengthened as well. When I can choose to be holy, do the right thing, forgive, love, show mercy, I am a picture of God’s love to the world. Choosing the level path for myself welcomes others to walk alongside me and invites them to experience righteousness and peace as well.
“Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
Hebrews 12:3
The level path is not popular – many will scoff at our choice to take the hard way. But we have so many examples of faithful followers who chose it anyway. Enjoy the journey. Notice the blessings along the way. Strengthen your arms and your knees and use that uphill march to remind yourself that God is walking alongside and encouraging you all the way home!
“Therefore since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders us and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.”
Hebrews 12:1-2
by wendy | Jul 23, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 18:10
Just about every encouragement tip we talk about here can be applied to the children in your life as well, but here a few ideas specifically for encouraging the children in your life:
- Let them know you see them.
Everyone needs to know they are seen. Make eye contact with children you see. Smile. Say hello. Call them by name. You never know how meaningful that could be to a child who feels unseen.
- Encourage them to try new things.
Most things are new experiences for children. How will they know what they are good at if they don’t try things? Do you remember the time when you first tried the thing you love to do most? Whenever possible, encourage kids to try new hobbies, new foods, new experiences.
- Remind them that it is okay to fail and affirm their resilience.
Rarely does a person get things right the first time. Kids need to know that they can fail and they need to experience recovery from a failure. We learn most when we have to try again. Resilience and perseverance are more healthy than perfectionism.
- Notice their passions and gifts.
Just as I shared in my post yesterday about the teacher that noticed my artistic ability, my parents were also a great encouragement to my sister and I to pursue the things that we loved. It only takes a small amount of observation and conversation to discover a child’s passions. Simply showing interest and asking questions will encourage them.
- Teach them about something you love.
Take the time to teach a child about something you love to do. Invite them to join you while you cook or bake, show them how to knit or crochet, teach them a favorite card game or how to bait a hook, ask them to help you fix the car or weed the garden. You might just spark an interest they never would have known they had.
- Ask them about their highs and lows.
When you ask a child about their highs (the best things that happened today or this week) and lows (the worst thing that happened today or this week) you are showing an interest in how they really feel about things. When we show others we value their opinions we give them the confidence to speak up.
Other variations:
“What was the best thing and the worst thing about your vacation?”
“What is your favorite character in the book/movie and your least favorite?”
“What food do you like best? What food do you like least?”
Everyone needs to feel heard. Take the time to listen to a child. Ask questions and respond to what they are saying.
Pray with and for children. When our children were younger, we prayed with them each night. We started with the oldest child to the youngest child and then Jerry and I. I loved hearing their hearts as they prayed for others and I know it was meaningful to them as they heard Jerry and I pray for each of them by name. Ask children how they would like you to pray for them and then give them confirmation that you have been praying.
- Tell children where you have seen God at work in your life.
When you talk about how you see God at work, it helps children to learn to look for Him at work in their lives as well. We need to pass along the stories of God’s love, provision, and protection to our kids. When we share our faith, their faith grows and develops.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
3 John 1:4
by wendy | Jul 22, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Trusting God
Painting in Progress by Wendy Custer
When I was in fourth grade, my teacher noticed my artistic ability. She called it out and encouraged me to continue. I am sure there were other things that led me in that direction as well, but it is that particular moment that I remember defining my future calling as an artist.
Adults have an incredible opportunity to encourage the little ones in our lives. Parents, grandparents, teachers, aunts and uncles, neighbors, babysitters – these are all the obvious influencers in a child’s life, but every one of us have an opportunity to notice and encourage children. Every smile, positive comment, and shining example plants a seed that germinates beneath the surface.
Every encouragement we offer children is important, but the most important encouragement we can offer is the encouragement to strengthen themselves in the Lord! It is this legacy that will serve our children regardless of what worldly direction they follow.
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
When Moses gave God’s commandments to the Israelites at the foot of the mountain, he reminded them of the need to teach their children about following the Lord. Their children had not seen and experienced God the way they had – but they could pass down the stories of God’s love, protection, and provision – and His ways.
“Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.”
Deuteronomy 11:18-21
Moses was teaching the people to encourage themselves in the Lord and how to teach their children to encourage themselves in the Lord. This was the inheritance they wanted to pass down to the next generation – trusting God, relying on God, knowing God! If they could learn to call on Him and to depend on Him, Scripture says their days would be many!
“How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?”
Romans 10:14
We often rely on other people to teach our children. We might expect that the preaching should come from the Pastor or the Sunday School teacher, and it should, but every believer should be speaking the word – with words and with our lives. When we share the stories of how God is at work in our lives, we are training others – children and adults – to see Him at work in their lives as well.
“But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, and how from infancy you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.”
1 Timothy 3:14-15
As Paul reminds Timothy to continue in the ways he was taught by his mother and grandmother, we are reminded that our words and teaching have lasting significance in the life of a child – and that our investment in their faith will ripple out to affect generations to come as they continue in what they have learned!
by wendy | Jul 16, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Hospitality, Tips for Encouraging Others
The Bible specifically tells us to care for the widows among us.
“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.”
James 1:27
I think widows often go unnoticed and underserved because they are so often the caretakers. While widows of today might not be in such dire straights as they were in biblical times, we must understand that they are still in need of our encouragement. Take some time to look around and think about who the widows are – in your church, in your neighborhood, and in your family.
Here are some specific ideas for encouraging widows:
1.Visit!
Living alone is – well – lonely. Even the most independent widow would probably enjoy some company from time to time. My friend, Tracy, and I have been having coffee chats with our neighbor widow, Agnes, for years.
2. Listen
Older widows have so much life experience to share. I often ask Ms. Agnes, “How did you handle this?” and “What was that stage like for you?” Her stories and wisdom give fresh insight for many of my life issues.
Younger widows have much to share as well. Though they may not have lived as long, grief and sorrow develops wisdom that we can all learn from.
Beyond the wisdom, everyone has a need to be heard.
3. Take along for shopping/errands
One of my favorite things when my children were small was pick up my Granny and take her along for shopping and errands. She enjoyed the outing and the kids – I enjoyed the extra set of hands and the adult company.
4. Take a meal or leftovers – eat with them whenever possible
Cooking for one and eating alone is no fun. Share your leftovers – especially in freezable portions – but more importantly share a meal and eat with her!
5. Invite to join your family for special occasions – or just for the day
Don’t wait for your house to be quiet and clean or for the time to prepare the perfect meal. Many widows would love the opportunity to join in your family time even if that feels chaotic to you. What you consider to be a zoo might just represent the fullness of life someone else has been missing.
6. Pray
Pray for and with the widows among you. Ask them specifically how you can pray for them and ask them to pray for you.
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ‘your neighbor as yourself. ”
Luke 10:27
by wendy | Jul 15, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships, Hospitality
My sweet elderly neighbor has recently returned from the hospital. Agnes is such an important part of our community here – she truly has a servant heart. Though her mind and spirit are in excellent shape, her body is declining and she needs assistance in order to stay in her home. It is a hard thing for Agnes to accept as she has always been the caretaker, but she is also so grateful for the people who are offering their help.
It has brought such joy to my heart to see the many people volunteering their time to stay with my dear friend. Agnes calls us her “committee” and there are more than 10 volunteers, along with family and some hired help that have come together to assist her through this time. It is an amazing testimony to what it looks like to follow God’s commands about looking after the widows.
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this; to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”
James 1:27
My word study helped me to understand the words and phrases James used in this passage:
- “to look after” implies a range of actions from visiting to inspecting, or being concerned about the needy
- “religion” is defined as the expression of worship
In other words, we express pure worship when we are concerned about and act on behalf of the needy – or those who cannot look after themselves. James goes deeper into this concept later in Chapter 2 when he goes as far as to say that our actions define our faith.
“Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”
James 2:17
It is important to note that James in NOT saying that we are saved by our actions or deeds, rather genuine faith will PRODUCE good deeds. When we recognize the grace and mercy of God to save us, we are then compelled to have grace and mercy for others. God acts on our behalf – we act on the behalf of others in gratitude for what God has done for us!
In our society, we are accustomed to widows and orphans being cared for by the government or other entities. Many widows are even able to manage their own care – vastly different from biblical times. So are we to assume that this command is no longer relevant? If it is, who are our widows and orphans and how can we fulfill this command?
In many places in Scripture, God notes the difference between wicked and righteous as those who take care of the poor and needy. For example, in contrast to the wicked son of King Josiah, it is said of his father:
“He defended the cause of the poor and needy.”
Jeremiah 22:16
Josiah loved God by loving others and we are to do the same. Widows and orphans are examples of those who have great need and we should consider them our responsibility even when there are other options for them. But they are not the only examples.
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
Matthew 25:40
When we are discerning who we should look after as a part of our worship and faith, we should ask these 2 questions:
- Who are the poor and needy among us?
- Who are the least of these?
There are many ways to serve – numerous opportunities to follow the command of “doing for the least of these.” As we pray about what God would have us do, let us never forget that we are called to follow God’s example.
“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families.”
Psalm 68:5
Could he be calling your family to serve the lonely today? Perhaps you are the answer to someone’s prayer.
by wendy | Jul 9, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Prayer, Tips for Encouraging Others
As I was writing the post, “Prepare and Perfect – Encouragement for the Process” earlier this week, I was reminded of the clear sense of mission Jesus had when he met with the Woman at the Well. When John says that Jesus had to go through Samaria, he is suggesting that Jesus needed to go there to accomplish something – not that it was the only road to get to where He was going. It is this same passion for mission that I want to have in my life as well.
I wrote another post about a “A Mission of Encouragement” last month and this is becoming a theme for me. That most likely means that God is using it as a teaching moment for me – and perhaps you as well. As God continues to bring up the topic of a Mission of Encouragement, He seems to turn it ever so slightly so I can look at it from a different angle each time. This week the angle is intercession – the Encouragement of Prayer.
“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.”
Ephesians 6:18
Throughout Scripture, we are encouraged to pray for:
Each Other
“Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
James 5:16
Other Believers
“From the day we heard, we have not ceased to pray for you, asking that you may be filled with the knowledge of his will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,”
Colossians 1:9
Our Country (towns, cities, counties, states)
“But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.”
Jeremiah 29:7
Our Leaders
“First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.”
1 Timothy 2:1-2
Unbelievers
“Brothers, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved.”
Romans 10:1
In order to be Intentional about our Mission of the Encouragement of Prayer, we need to have Intentional Strategies for Intercession.
Ideas for Intentional Intercession:
1.Planner Prayer
- Gather favorite verses from friends and family and write them on various days in your planner. Commit to pray for that person on that day when it arrives.
- Write a list of people to encourage and pray for as a part of your weekly planning.
- Assign a different day of the week to different groups to pray for.
2. Prayer Book
- Make a flip book of names and prayer needs on index cards.
- Create a prayer album using photos of people you want to pray for.
- Create a “book” from your Christmas Cards and pray through the families at regular intervals.
- Use the church directory or your address book to pray for others.
3. Prayer Device
- Use a prayer app like Echo.
- Keep a list of people to pray for in the notes on your phone.
- Use the photos on your phone to help you pray for others.
- Pray through your contact list or your followers on social media.
4. Traveling Prayer
- Pray for each house and business you pass as you travel to work each day.
- Pray for your neighbors as you walk, bike, or drive through the neighborhood.
- Pray for towns as you travel through.
- Pray for other passengers on your bus, train, or plane.
- Pray for the people you sit beside at stoplights.
“We give thanks to God always for all of you, constantly mentioning you in our prayers.”
1 Thessalonians 1:2
by wendy | Jul 8, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships, Trusting God
Our Sunday school lesson yesterday was about the Woman at the Well (John 4:4-26). I have come to love this account because of the way it highlights the kindness of God as He chooses the most broken, the most rejected, the least likely of all to spread the news of who He is! This time, as I taught this passage to our youth, I was reminded of His grace – that He would love us and pursue us in our ugliness but doesn’t’ leave us that way. Through His son, He equips us for a life of royalty and service for Him and with Him.
“Because Jesus is about transformation, about finding us just the way we are, but not leaving us that way.”
Zach Hunt Blog
Also this week, our Pastor preached on a portion of Ephesians – about how God gives us pastors and teachers to equip us (Ephesians 4:11-12). Later, I did a little word study on the word equip and found that the Greek word “katartizó” means to prepare or perfect for one’s full destination or use; to bring into one’s proper condition.
It wan’t until I was reviewing the sermon this morning that I recognized the connection between these two teachings. Just as He pursued the Samaritan woman, Jesus pursues us out of his love for us and prepares and perfects us for the good work He has for us to do. In this – the preparing and perfecting, the equipping – He gives us purpose and value, and in turn we encourage and equip others. What a beautiful cycle!
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
Ephesians 2:10
I love word study (I use the Hebrew and Greek Lexicon from biblehub.com) and I decided to follow all the links I could find there to see what Scripture says about how God equips us. Here is a bit of what I discovered:
God equips us through Himself
Submit yourself to God and stand firm in your faith – He promises to restore and equip you.
“And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.”
1 Peter 5:10
God equips us through pastors and teachers
My husband is a coach, and he looks forward to practice because he really wants his players to be well trained. Our pastors and teachers are the same way – they long to encourage and equip us – they want us to be successful in our Christian lives.
“Night and day we pray most earnestly that we may see you again and supply what is lacking in your faith.”
1 Thessalonians 3:10
God equips us through other believers
As believers – as people who live in the Spirit – we are to restore and equip other believers by leading them to the Word, praying for and with them, and encouraging them in the Lord.
“Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.”
Galatians 6:1
God equips us through ourselves
While restoration and equipping ultimately comes through God, we are to participate in the process. As we dig into the Word, spend time talking to God in prayer, and join a body of other believers, we are prepared and perfected.
“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.”
2 corinthians 13:11
I love how this verse reminds of that God is a God of peace! May you find peace as you pursue his preparation and perfecting.
“Now may the God of peace… equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever.”
Hebrews 13:20-21
by wendy | Jul 1, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships, Trusting God
I had an opportunity this week to develop my trust in the Lord a little more. Someone in my life presented a request/demand that seemed like a possible threat to our family’s peace. As these situations usually are, the correct way to handle it is complicated and a bit fuzzy. Suddenly, that person seemed like an enemy. As I began to toss the situation and our defense around in my mind, it didn’t take long before I was angry and all of my peace was missing in action.
I reached out to several of my trusted friends to pray for us about the situation. Asking them to pray was a good thing, but in the ask I also began to explain – and my explaining quickly became complaining. As I was explaining/complaining to my PIP (Partner in Prayer) our signal got cut off and I had about 10 minutes before I was able to reconnect. During that intermission, God brought Psalm 37 to mind and began to show me that I was fretting over the situation instead of trusting Him! When I was able to call my PIP back, I confessed that to her and asked her to pray for each party – and that peace would prevail.
Here is what I have learned from Psalm 37 about how God wants us to handle these situations:
“Do not fret because of those who are evil or be envious of those who do wrong; for like grass they will soon wither, like green plants they will soon die away.”
Psalm 37:1-2
The word “fret” used here means to burn or to kindle in the original Hebrew. That certainly seems to describe my disposition when I feel threatened. As I described earlier, I roll the thoughts over and over in my mind until they become bigger and I become angrier. The fretting causes me to kindle that anger until it becomes a raging fire within me. How could peace possibly survive in that kind of environment?
This passage also reminds me that I am fretting over a temporary situation. While it may seem to be the most important thing in the moment, this is what distracts us from our purpose (worshipping God) and our mission (shine light to the dark world and encourage others).
“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”
2 Corinthians 4:18
God wants us to trust Him to handle our difficult situations and relationships so we can focus on our important work.
“Trust in the Lord and do good.”
Psalm 37:3
When we fret over people and difficult relationships, we are attempting to usurp the power of God. Fretting (rehearsing our defense in our minds) assumes that we have the power to fix things. Only God has the power to change hearts and minds – and He is able to do it in a way that brings peace and preserves relationships.
“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.”
Exodus 14:14
As believers, we have a clear mission – encourage others – and specific directions on how to avoid the pitfalls of distraction due to difficult relationships.
“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else.”
1 Thessalonians 5:15
Godly relationships do not always include 2 godly people. When we choose to implement God’s ways into any relationship it becomes godly. Use wise boundaries to protect your heart from chronic abuse and choose to trust God in every situation. Only He can see into the heart of each one and He always knows the right way to go!
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7
by wendy | Jun 29, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships
More often than not, expectations get me into trouble in my relationships. I expect that someone will treat me a certain way, spend a certain amount of time with me, serve me in a particular way, or give me something. I have expectations about other people’s behavior, words, and even the way they look. When I think this is not true, I only have to think about the last time I got upset with someone else and examine what actually upset me.
Please don’t misunderstand me – boundaries in relationships are important. We should set boundaries within our relationships for safety and our health.
- Boundaries say this is how far I can go and this is how far I can allow you to come.
- Expectations say this is what you need to do and this is how far you need to come.
- Boundaries guard my heart.
- Expectations put demands on yours.
We all have expectations that our relationships will be a two-way street, but we must remember that expectations most often stem from selfish desires and lead to selfish actions.
-Excerpt from Godly Relationships, Custer
I have never liked to consider myself selfish, but that is often the discovery I make when there is conflict in my relationships. Paul tells us to have the same mindset as Christ in Philippians – and he gives us specific directions about how to do it:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interest of the others.”
Philippians 2:3
The key here is that each is looking to the interest of the other. When this happens, unity is reached and there is no need for expectations. But what happens when one person in the relationship doesn’t consider the other? It is then that we learn to trust in the Lord!
“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret – it only leads to evil.”
Psalm 37:7-8
What evil does our wrath and anger lead to? When we refuse to turn our relationship issues over to God we ultimately turn to revenge and taking matters into our own hands.
“Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”
Romans 12:19
Relationships are amazing – until they are not. When we remain stuck in the cycle of having expectations of others and being disappointed by them, we miss out on the true value of godly relationships.
People do have the ability to make us feel loved and appreciated. We can, at times, feel fulfilled and complete because of a person, but that was never God’s intention for any relationship – including marriage. If another human could meet out needs fully, why would we need God?
-Excerpt from Godly Relationships, Custer
When we are disappointed by unmet expectations of others we are emptied – when we are filled by God we overflow!
“I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in Him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.”
Romans 15:13
Godly relationship is not a means to be filled, it is an opportunity to serve!
Instead of looking at relationship as a means to have our needs met, we should instead view it as an opportunity to practice unconditional love. And let us not forget that unconditional love – or “Agape” – is not a human characteristic. Instead, it is a quality of our supernatural God and we can only access it through the Spirit.
-Excerpt from Godly Relationships, Custer
How would our relationships change if we could see each one as an opportunity to practice loving others the way God loves us?
“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.”
1 John 4:7
