by wendy | Oct 24, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.”
Ezra 10:4
1. Listen to their dreams.
I am a dreamer and a verbal processor. I am so grateful for my family and friends who have listened to my dreams throughout the years. I often need to express my dreams out loud and “try them on” in order to discern which I should actually follow up on. It can be scary to voice out loud the ideas that formulate in a creative brain, so be kind when you listen to a dreamer. Even if their plans seem outlandish and scary to you, understand that dreams are the stuff that fuel new inventions, successful businesses, and amazing ministries. When a dreamer shares a vision with you, they are trusting you with treasure from their very soul.
2. Pray with them and for them.
God gives us dreams and He gives us the ability to work out of those dreams. Prayer is important – for patience to wait for His timing, for strength to carry through, and for wisdom to know the right way. When you pray for a dreamer and their dreams, you are praying for God to intervene and bring His power, His wisdom, and His resources. When you pray with a dreamer, you implant courage and hope alongside their dream.
3. Be patient while they develop their dreams.
Dreams often take years to develop. They seem exciting and sudden in the beginning, but enthusiasm can die when the long process of working out the details and waiting for the right time dull that excitement. Ask about the dream periodically. Remind the dreamer you are still praying for them. Point out the ways you see God at work. As an encourager, you have the job of giving courage, hope, and inspiration when the tired dreamer is struggling.
4. Allow grace as they discern God’s direction.
Dreams are winding, foggy, uphill journey with many twists and turns. They rarely play out exactly as they seemed in the beginning. But with God’s direction, dreams develop into something bigger and better than the dreamer could have ever imagined! Encourage the dreamer to follow God’s leading even when it may seem to go off the path. Continue to lift them and their dream to God and allow grace to the dreamer and the dream when it is difficult to see the result. Encourage them to trust God and watch together to see where He is taking the dream.
5. Be supportive as they work out their dream.
Even as you pray and listen, there are also some practical ways you can support the dreamer:
- give financially to the dream
- prepare meals or help with the family while they work toward the dream
- brainstorm with the dreamer
- point to resources that might be helpful
- connect the dreamer with others that have a similar dream
- roll up your sleeves and work alongside
- share the dream with others (when it is appropriate)
by wendy | Oct 1, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Prayer
When I am seeking direction, it’s a pretty good bet that I am traveling in uncharted territory. The older I get, the more I realize that there is so much I just don’t know. In conversation the other day, I confessed that one of the strategies I have used throughout life is to surround myself with people that are smarter than me, wiser than me, and more experienced than me. These are the people that help to guide my decisions and my direction.
“The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice.”
Proverbs 12:15
It’s so important that I choose my counsel wisely – and that I understand what type of counsel I am seeking. I recently had a big business decision to make and I chose several different people to help me think through the process.
1.Choose godly advisors.
Regardless of the type of direction I am seeking (personal, relational, business, education, etc.), it is always important to seek counsel from the godly people in my life. Pastors, friends, mentors – all of these can help me think through the spiritual aspects of these decisions and also help to remind me of God’s perspective.
2. Choose experienced advisors.
It is amazing when I have godly advisors that are also experienced in the area I need guidance, but often God provides people that are not believers to help me in other ways. When I seek wisdom from an unbeliever, I am careful to always filter that advice through God’s word while I glean the knowledge they might have in a certain area.
3. Choose personal advisors.
Godly wisdom is of paramount importance and knowledgable experience is invaluable, but it is also important to ask for guidance from the ones that know me best! My family and close friends are always a part of my decision-making as I seek direction because they can usually identify patterns and pitfalls more quickly than I can. My people are also likely to be able to see through my impulsivity and changing emotions.
“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed.”
Proverbs 15:22
Ultimately, there is no substitute for the wisdom of God and the guidance and counsel of the Holy Spirit. I pray first, seek guidance from human advisors second, and pray and listen to the spirit again and continually. Most of the time, I have more questions than answers, but the peace that comes from knowing that God is with me helps me to navigate the journey each step of the way!
“Listen to advice and accept instruction, that you may gain wisdom in the future. Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
Proverbs 19:20-21
“But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere.”
James 3:17
by wendy | Sep 11, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
We have all experienced difficult relationships, wounds from a friend, and conflict, so when we become the listening ear for someone else in a relationship crisis we can certainly identify. Here are some tips for how to be an encourager in those times:
Patiently Listen!
Allow your friend to express their frustrations freely. Validate their feelings without justifying retribution.
Encourage the Pause!
After listening, encourage your friend to take some time before making decisions or responding. It is always better to wait until the emotions are settled.
Pray!
Pray with and for your friend. Ask God to bring peace to their heart and peace between parties.
Point to the Word!
Share some Scriptures that are important to you, but also encourage your friend to search for God’s wisdom for themselves.
“When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone’s way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them.”
Proverbs 16:7
by wendy | Sep 9, 2020 | Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships
Just this week I received a phone call from someone close to me. She was upset over the words and actions from another friend and wanted to talk it through. As I listened, I affirmed her feelings – I would have been upset as well – but I was careful not to justify any retribution. My suggestions for how to handle the situation were difficult – seething and reacting are easier – but I tried to point her back to a godly way of handling the situation and the relationship.
It was not a coincidence that our Pastor’s sermon Sunday was on the topic of submission within marriage from Ephesians 5. While my friend’s situation had nothing to do with marriage, I was reminded of a point Pastor Jason made emphatically within his talk, “According to Ephesians 5: 21, we are called to submit to all believers!”
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21
The Greek word for submit in this passage is “hupotassó” and it means to yield – a word that has a much more positive connotation in today’s society. Yielding always makes me think of traffic and a specific memory comes to mind. Read this excerpt from my Bible Study, “Godly Relationships.”
While traveling on the interstate down to Fort Bragg to visit our soldier-in-training, an RV attempted to change lanes in front of us. A compact car happened to be in his blind spot and we watched helplessly as the large vehicle veered over. Thankfully, the little car had room to move close to the guard rail and scoot out of the way quickly while the RV jerked back into place. An accident was narrowly avoided and my husband, Jerry, used it as a teaching moment for our soon-to-be-released driver in the back seat. “Do you know what you should do in that situation Trevor?” Our son shook his head. “You give the other vehicle as much room as possible!” Jerry wisely instructed.
In Relationships – just like on the highway – people will often pull recklessly into our lane and cut us off. While we may have the right-of-way, we have two choices – give them some space or suffer a dangerous collision.
– Wendy Custer, Godly Relationships
My friend had suffered something similar – she was “cut off” by someone she trusted. She had two choices: 1. She could plow through them claiming the right-of-way, or 2. She could yield to their reckless behavior and avoid a collision. In the first reaction, both parties would likely be harmed, but in the second, a chance for forgiveness and reconciliation would be more possible. The first choice leaves little room for future relationship, while the second requires sacrifice. Hard stuff – but valuable.
Ephesians 5 divulges several keys to this kind of yielded living:
Wisdom is the ability to use the knowledge that one has. This implies thinking through words and actions and choosing them carefully. A wise person considers all angles before acting and understands the impact on every party.
Look for opportunity. (Ephesians 5:16)
While Ephesians 5:15 is written about relationship between believers, Colossians 4:5 is identical except that it speaks of opportunity with unbelievers. Truthfully, we should see every interaction with everyone as an opportunity to live out our calling to be like Jesus. Pause and ask yourself, “What opportunity do I have in this situation?”
Understand the Lord’s will. (Ephesians 5:17)
The only way to understand God’s will is to study His Word. As we read and learn from Scripture, we can know how God desires for us to handle our relationships. His will is clearly written in every book of the Bible, but this article lists some very clear verses to focus on.
“Bible Verses about God’s Will”
Some key elements include: God’s desire for all to be saved, His desire for us to prosper, the command for us to be set apart, the reminder that He equips us for doing good, and Jesus’s direction to deny ourselves.
Be filled with the Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18)
Thankfully, we are never asked to do any of this in our own power. The Spirit empowers and equips us to live and love in the power of God. Paul’s suggestion here is to be continually filled with the Spirit which requires going to God on a daily basis and submitting to His ways.
Be thankful. (Ephesians 5:20)
This is perhaps the most difficult of the list. Training our heart to be thankful in the midst of difficult circumstances and relationships is so hard because it requires us to think of something other than how we feel. The practice of being thankful is perhaps the single most life-changing thing we can train ourselves to do. When I am able to flip my perspective from my suffering to my blessings, understanding God’s protection and provision in my life, I can easily yield to another person.
Yield to one another. (Ephesians 5:21)
You know the saying, “Just do it.” Well – just do it. Yield. But be sure you do it with all of the other keys in place. Be wise, look for opportunity, understand the Lord’s will, be filled with the Spirit, be thankful, AND THEN yield.
You may very well be like that little car – a bit out of breath, startled, shaken, cautious, frustrated, and fully intact and able to drive ahead. These are not easy principles, but they are life-saving and life-giving.
“Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:17-18
by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Trusting God
I came across this passage this week in my reading. Though I would normally just read over these words, they continue to call to me for a deeper look.
“Grace and Peace be yours in abundance.”
1 Peter 1:2
Let’s take that deeper look at the words “grace,” “peace,” and “abundance” together.
Grace
The Greek word for grace is “charis” which describes God freely giving Himself away to us (sinners) simply because His nature is to reach out to us, to be near us, and to bless us! This actually means that God leans toward us – and don’t miss the term “freely.” He doesn’t bless us because we deserve it or we have earned it.
“And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.”
Romans 11:6 NLT
Grace literally means an underserved gift. There is not one of us that deserves God’s grace. He gives grace to us because of who He is – not because of who we are!
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;”
Ephesians 2:7
In response to this unmerited favor we receive from our Father, we should also give grace to others! Easier said than done when we are disappointed or hurt by them, but let us remember that we are called to offer grace – unmerited favor – just as we have received from God. In the article, “How to Show Grace to Others: 10 Great Ways,” David Peach says this:
“Have you been criticized by someone? Even unjustly? You don’t have to let others walk over you, but you can respond in a gracious way. Accept what they have to say and thank them for their input. The news they bring you may upset you and hurt you deeply. The way you respond can help the healing begin immediately. A quick response with anger will leave you seething. But the sooner you can respond with a smile and a calm spirit the sooner you will be able to see the truth in their words and make the changes that need to be made.”
-David Peach, “How To Show Grace To Others: 10 Great Ways”
It may be difficult to be gracious with those who have not been gracious to us, but just like with God, when we show grace to others, it says more about our character than it does about theirs.
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”
Hebrews 12:15
The opposite of grace is unforgiveness and bitterness. The Bible warns of letting a root of bitterness spring up – and that is just how quickly it can happen. When it does, if not dealt with, bitterness and unforgiveness causes trouble in our own hearts. Author, Larry Thompson, reminds us why we should forgive:
“Remember that Christ forgave you far beyond what you deserve, and forgive others in the same way. Give up that grudge or bitterness. Forgive that family member, friend, associate at work or other person with whom you have a problem. The stakes are high, for if you fail to grow strong in grace, and are unable to forgive, you are charting a path to pain and heartbreak — not for the other person, but for yourself.”
-Larry Thompson, “Why We Should Extend Grace To Others”
We must forgive others as God has forgiven us – for that is grace!
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
Peace
The Greek word for peace is “eirḗnē” and it means wholeness – specifically God’s gift of wholeness. This reminds me of the Old Testament word “Shalom” which also means peace and wholeness. The lack of peace is distraction, agitation, and conflict – all of which cause division.”
The lexicon at Bible Hub describes peace in this way:
“the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is”
Paul says it this way in Philippians:
“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:11-13
This state of peace (wholeness) is a gift of God, but it also requires a cooperation from us to receive it. When we continually practice trusting Him, peace reigns in our spirit. This doesn’t happen overnight and it usually doesn’t happen naturally – being content and trusting God is something we consciously develop as we get to know Him.
“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
Romans 8:6″
The word “eirḗnē” – peace – not only applies to our relationship with God, it also refers to peace between individuals. Just as we must work to develop the gift of God’s peace within our spirits, peace with people also requires effort. We can choose to live a life that sets a course of promoting harmony. We certainly cannot control the words and actions of others, but we can control our own words and actions.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18
If we are unsure how to set a course of peace with others, we need only to follow the example of Christ.
“For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”
Colossians 1:19-20
It was the grace of God – the gift of Jesus’s life that we did not deserve – that made peace between us and God. We too can make peace with others through grace – undeserved favor and blessing from us to other people. And God says we will be blessed for it!
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
Abundance
The last word I want to take a deep look at today is abundance. God does not say, “I will give you a little peace and a little grace.” He also does not say, “You only need to give others a little grace and a little peace.” He says we are to have both in abundance!
This word “plēthýnō” abundance in Greek means to have it to the full and maximum level and increasingly so. According to this definition, how much peace and grace is enough? There will never be enough, and God will never max out on how much grace and peace He has to give us. That, my friends, is good news!
“Grace and Peace be yours in abundance!”
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10
by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“Who do I speak to report something?” I asked the lady that looked like she might be a manager at the Cracker Barrel the other day.
“What do you need to report?” she asked hesitantly.
“Our waitress was amazing this morning.” I said with a smile. “We think she deserves another gold star!”
The manager beamed as she called back to the kitchen on her radio to “report” that one of the servers had been commended. As I glanced around, everyone was smiling – the hostesses, the lady at the register, the customers waiting to be seated. Grace makes an impact on everyone!
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:9
How can we “give grace” to those who hear? Grace can be described as goodwill, kindness, favor, and thanks. Here are a few ways to give grace to the people around you.
- Use your words: say “Thank you!” or “I appreciate you!” or any other words that express gratitude or praise. In response, use gentleness and kindness.
- Lend a hand: look for ways to serve others. Use your gifts to do things that others cannot do for themselves. Consider doing a good deed anonymously.
- Give a gift: a jar of fresh flowers, a card, a batch of cookies, anything that says,
“I care about you!”
- Listen: ask questions that enable others to share what is important or concerning for them. Be patient and engaged and compassionate. Be willing to just listen without offering advice.
- Offer forgiveness: understand that saying, “I forgive you” is not the same as saying, “It’s okay.”
- Ask for forgiveness: recognize your own failures and mistakes and humbly ask for forgiveness.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Colossians 4:6
