by wendy | Sep 9, 2020 | Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Godly Relationships
Just this week I received a phone call from someone close to me. She was upset over the words and actions from another friend and wanted to talk it through. As I listened, I affirmed her feelings – I would have been upset as well – but I was careful not to justify any retribution. My suggestions for how to handle the situation were difficult – seething and reacting are easier – but I tried to point her back to a godly way of handling the situation and the relationship.
It was not a coincidence that our Pastor’s sermon Sunday was on the topic of submission within marriage from Ephesians 5. While my friend’s situation had nothing to do with marriage, I was reminded of a point Pastor Jason made emphatically within his talk, “According to Ephesians 5: 21, we are called to submit to all believers!”
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”
Ephesians 5:21
The Greek word for submit in this passage is “hupotassó” and it means to yield – a word that has a much more positive connotation in today’s society. Yielding always makes me think of traffic and a specific memory comes to mind. Read this excerpt from my Bible Study, “Godly Relationships.”
While traveling on the interstate down to Fort Bragg to visit our soldier-in-training, an RV attempted to change lanes in front of us. A compact car happened to be in his blind spot and we watched helplessly as the large vehicle veered over. Thankfully, the little car had room to move close to the guard rail and scoot out of the way quickly while the RV jerked back into place. An accident was narrowly avoided and my husband, Jerry, used it as a teaching moment for our soon-to-be-released driver in the back seat. “Do you know what you should do in that situation Trevor?” Our son shook his head. “You give the other vehicle as much room as possible!” Jerry wisely instructed.
In Relationships – just like on the highway – people will often pull recklessly into our lane and cut us off. While we may have the right-of-way, we have two choices – give them some space or suffer a dangerous collision.
– Wendy Custer, Godly Relationships
My friend had suffered something similar – she was “cut off” by someone she trusted. She had two choices: 1. She could plow through them claiming the right-of-way, or 2. She could yield to their reckless behavior and avoid a collision. In the first reaction, both parties would likely be harmed, but in the second, a chance for forgiveness and reconciliation would be more possible. The first choice leaves little room for future relationship, while the second requires sacrifice. Hard stuff – but valuable.
Ephesians 5 divulges several keys to this kind of yielded living:
Wisdom is the ability to use the knowledge that one has. This implies thinking through words and actions and choosing them carefully. A wise person considers all angles before acting and understands the impact on every party.
Look for opportunity. (Ephesians 5:16)
While Ephesians 5:15 is written about relationship between believers, Colossians 4:5 is identical except that it speaks of opportunity with unbelievers. Truthfully, we should see every interaction with everyone as an opportunity to live out our calling to be like Jesus. Pause and ask yourself, “What opportunity do I have in this situation?”
Understand the Lord’s will. (Ephesians 5:17)
The only way to understand God’s will is to study His Word. As we read and learn from Scripture, we can know how God desires for us to handle our relationships. His will is clearly written in every book of the Bible, but this article lists some very clear verses to focus on.
“Bible Verses about God’s Will”
Some key elements include: God’s desire for all to be saved, His desire for us to prosper, the command for us to be set apart, the reminder that He equips us for doing good, and Jesus’s direction to deny ourselves.
Be filled with the Spirit. (Ephesians 5:18)
Thankfully, we are never asked to do any of this in our own power. The Spirit empowers and equips us to live and love in the power of God. Paul’s suggestion here is to be continually filled with the Spirit which requires going to God on a daily basis and submitting to His ways.
Be thankful. (Ephesians 5:20)
This is perhaps the most difficult of the list. Training our heart to be thankful in the midst of difficult circumstances and relationships is so hard because it requires us to think of something other than how we feel. The practice of being thankful is perhaps the single most life-changing thing we can train ourselves to do. When I am able to flip my perspective from my suffering to my blessings, understanding God’s protection and provision in my life, I can easily yield to another person.
Yield to one another. (Ephesians 5:21)
You know the saying, “Just do it.” Well – just do it. Yield. But be sure you do it with all of the other keys in place. Be wise, look for opportunity, understand the Lord’s will, be filled with the Spirit, be thankful, AND THEN yield.
You may very well be like that little car – a bit out of breath, startled, shaken, cautious, frustrated, and fully intact and able to drive ahead. These are not easy principles, but they are life-saving and life-giving.
“Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:17-18
by wendy | Sep 3, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God
I love the scene in the movie, “Facing the Giants” when the prayer walker encourages the coach to prepare for rain. He tells the story of two farmers waiting for rain. He reminds him that though rain will fall on both fields, the farmer that will reap the most rewards is the one who has prepared his field. That farmer will harvest a crop and the other will simply get wet.
Which farmer will I be? Are my “fields” prepared for the rain of God’s righteousness and blessings?
“Sow for yourselves righteousness; reap steadfast love; break up your fallow ground, for it is the time to seek the Lord, that he may come and rain righteousness upon you.”
Hosea 10:12
If I am to be prepared for the Lord to rain on me, I must examine myself for fallow ground. What areas of my life are overgrown, not fruitful, or simply not in use? I must clear those areas of weeds – get rid of any ungodly attitudes and activities – and sow righteousness there by replacing the ungodly with the godly. I must submit those areas to prayer and seek to give them to God.
“For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground; I will pour out my Spirit on your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants. They will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams.”
Isaiah 44:3
When I prepare for rain – and God pours it out – the rewards are amazing! He says we will spring up like grass – and that is a picture I can fully relate to in this time of rain we are having lately. So much rain and sun that we cannot keep the grass mowed!
“You heavens above, rain down my righteousness; let the clouds shower it down. Let the earth open wide, let salvation spring up, let righteousness flourish with it; I, the LORD, have created it.”
Isaiah 45:8
We can receive God’s righteousness and salvation when we are open to it. And the Scripture says we will flourish!
“Let my teaching fall like rain and my words descend like dew, like showers on new grass, like abundant rain on tender plants.”
Deuteronomy 32:2
His Word is as refreshing and restoring as the dew, showers, and abundant rain. Oh, that we would soak it in!
“As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth; it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
Isaiah 55:10-11
Praise God that His Word does its work every time. I pray that I am open so it will do its work in me!
“Blessed are you whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baka, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools. They go from strength to strength till each appears before God in Zion.”
Psalm 84:5-7
The Valley of Baka is also known as The Valley of Weeping. When I am intent on seeking Him – even in the difficult places – may I see His blessings in all things and rely on His strength each day!
Amen
by wendy | Aug 27, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Focus on God, Trusting God
Just one month ago – in the midst of a hot July – the brown, dry grass crunched beneath my feet as I walked through the yard. Grass weaves a mat of shallow roots just below the surface of the earth and it depends on frequent moisture to keep it alive. There was no moisture in July this year. Just when I decided to count my blessings that at least we wouldn’t need to mow, the rains of August began to come. and come. and come. It has rained so much this month that our once dried up lawn is lush and constantly growing! Now, instead of crunching beneath my feet, I can’t walk across the yard without my shoes becoming soaking wet and we cannot keep up with the mowing. Those shallow roots are drinking in their fill and new grass has sprung up!
“They will spring up like grass in a meadow,like poplar trees by flowing streams.”
Isaiah 44:4
It is wonderful to see the new green grass, but I don’t want to be like that grass – here today when the blessings flow and withered tomorrow when the sun is scorching – instead I would rather be like my blackberry plants. When we planted the blackberries, we inquired about their care from a neighboring berry farm.
“Do you water them often?” I asked.
“I never water them,” she explained. “I want their roots to go deep to access the natural water supply. If I watered them, the roots would stay shallow depending on me.”
We stay shallow when we depend on earthly things.
We need to go deep – and depend on God.
“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in him.
They will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.”
Jeremiah 17:7-8
What does it look like to have confidence in the Lord?
Send out your roots by the water – transplant yourself
All of the language in this passage is active – not passive. Jeremiah says that a person with confidence in the Lord SENDS out their roots. The word for PLANTED in verse 7 also means “transplanted.” If we are not planted by the water currently, then we must dig up our roots and move them.
Dig into the Word, drink in the Spirit, be intentional about staying in the presence of God.
“Blessed is the one
who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
or sit in the company of mockers,
but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
and who meditates on his law day and night.
That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither—
whatever they do prospers.”
Psalm 1:1-3
by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Trusting God
I came across this passage this week in my reading. Though I would normally just read over these words, they continue to call to me for a deeper look.
“Grace and Peace be yours in abundance.”
1 Peter 1:2
Let’s take that deeper look at the words “grace,” “peace,” and “abundance” together.
Grace
The Greek word for grace is “charis” which describes God freely giving Himself away to us (sinners) simply because His nature is to reach out to us, to be near us, and to bless us! This actually means that God leans toward us – and don’t miss the term “freely.” He doesn’t bless us because we deserve it or we have earned it.
“And since it is through God’s kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God’s grace would not be what it really is—free and undeserved.”
Romans 11:6 NLT
Grace literally means an underserved gift. There is not one of us that deserves God’s grace. He gives grace to us because of who He is – not because of who we are!
“For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God;”
Ephesians 2:7
In response to this unmerited favor we receive from our Father, we should also give grace to others! Easier said than done when we are disappointed or hurt by them, but let us remember that we are called to offer grace – unmerited favor – just as we have received from God. In the article, “How to Show Grace to Others: 10 Great Ways,” David Peach says this:
“Have you been criticized by someone? Even unjustly? You don’t have to let others walk over you, but you can respond in a gracious way. Accept what they have to say and thank them for their input. The news they bring you may upset you and hurt you deeply. The way you respond can help the healing begin immediately. A quick response with anger will leave you seething. But the sooner you can respond with a smile and a calm spirit the sooner you will be able to see the truth in their words and make the changes that need to be made.”
-David Peach, “How To Show Grace To Others: 10 Great Ways”
It may be difficult to be gracious with those who have not been gracious to us, but just like with God, when we show grace to others, it says more about our character than it does about theirs.
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled;”
Hebrews 12:15
The opposite of grace is unforgiveness and bitterness. The Bible warns of letting a root of bitterness spring up – and that is just how quickly it can happen. When it does, if not dealt with, bitterness and unforgiveness causes trouble in our own hearts. Author, Larry Thompson, reminds us why we should forgive:
“Remember that Christ forgave you far beyond what you deserve, and forgive others in the same way. Give up that grudge or bitterness. Forgive that family member, friend, associate at work or other person with whom you have a problem. The stakes are high, for if you fail to grow strong in grace, and are unable to forgive, you are charting a path to pain and heartbreak — not for the other person, but for yourself.”
-Larry Thompson, “Why We Should Extend Grace To Others”
We must forgive others as God has forgiven us – for that is grace!
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Colossians 3:13
Peace
The Greek word for peace is “eirḗnē” and it means wholeness – specifically God’s gift of wholeness. This reminds me of the Old Testament word “Shalom” which also means peace and wholeness. The lack of peace is distraction, agitation, and conflict – all of which cause division.”
The lexicon at Bible Hub describes peace in this way:
“the tranquil state of a soul assured of its salvation through Christ, and so fearing nothing from God and content with its earthly lot, of whatsoever sort that is”
Paul says it this way in Philippians:
“I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”
Philippians 4:11-13
This state of peace (wholeness) is a gift of God, but it also requires a cooperation from us to receive it. When we continually practice trusting Him, peace reigns in our spirit. This doesn’t happen overnight and it usually doesn’t happen naturally – being content and trusting God is something we consciously develop as we get to know Him.
“The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”
Romans 8:6″
The word “eirḗnē” – peace – not only applies to our relationship with God, it also refers to peace between individuals. Just as we must work to develop the gift of God’s peace within our spirits, peace with people also requires effort. We can choose to live a life that sets a course of promoting harmony. We certainly cannot control the words and actions of others, but we can control our own words and actions.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
Romans 12:18
If we are unsure how to set a course of peace with others, we need only to follow the example of Christ.
“For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.”
Colossians 1:19-20
It was the grace of God – the gift of Jesus’s life that we did not deserve – that made peace between us and God. We too can make peace with others through grace – undeserved favor and blessing from us to other people. And God says we will be blessed for it!
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
Abundance
The last word I want to take a deep look at today is abundance. God does not say, “I will give you a little peace and a little grace.” He also does not say, “You only need to give others a little grace and a little peace.” He says we are to have both in abundance!
This word “plēthýnō” abundance in Greek means to have it to the full and maximum level and increasingly so. According to this definition, how much peace and grace is enough? There will never be enough, and God will never max out on how much grace and peace He has to give us. That, my friends, is good news!
“Grace and Peace be yours in abundance!”
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
John 10:10
by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“Who do I speak to report something?” I asked the lady that looked like she might be a manager at the Cracker Barrel the other day.
“What do you need to report?” she asked hesitantly.
“Our waitress was amazing this morning.” I said with a smile. “We think she deserves another gold star!”
The manager beamed as she called back to the kitchen on her radio to “report” that one of the servers had been commended. As I glanced around, everyone was smiling – the hostesses, the lady at the register, the customers waiting to be seated. Grace makes an impact on everyone!
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:9
How can we “give grace” to those who hear? Grace can be described as goodwill, kindness, favor, and thanks. Here are a few ways to give grace to the people around you.
- Use your words: say “Thank you!” or “I appreciate you!” or any other words that express gratitude or praise. In response, use gentleness and kindness.
- Lend a hand: look for ways to serve others. Use your gifts to do things that others cannot do for themselves. Consider doing a good deed anonymously.
- Give a gift: a jar of fresh flowers, a card, a batch of cookies, anything that says,
“I care about you!”
- Listen: ask questions that enable others to share what is important or concerning for them. Be patient and engaged and compassionate. Be willing to just listen without offering advice.
- Offer forgiveness: understand that saying, “I forgive you” is not the same as saying, “It’s okay.”
- Ask for forgiveness: recognize your own failures and mistakes and humbly ask for forgiveness.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Colossians 4:6
by wendy | Aug 14, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
Harsh words and hurtful actions often say more about the person dishing them out than the one receiving them. When we are able to “Pause, Pray, and Preach to ourselves” in the face of insults, we give God the opportunity to reveal to us how He sees the other person and how we can be a part of building them up instead of tearing them down. What changes might we see in our world if we could choose to leave retribution up to God and instead focus on how we might help heal their hearts?
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,”
Luke 6:27
4 Ideas for Encouraging Your Discouragers:
- Only say encouraging words. Romans 12:14 tell us “bless and do not curse” and Proverbs 18:21 says that “the tongue has the power of life and death.” Even though we were taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” the Bible teaches us that we should actively speak blessings over our enemies.
- Pray for them. Sometimes boundaries are necessary for harmful relationships, but we can always pray. The Bible teaches us that prayer is a powerful form of warfare – and lest we forget, we are always at war with the enemy of our souls – the true enemy. Prayer also does a work in our own hearts and provides us with peace.
- Give a gift. A friend of mine once shared a special way that she deals with someone who insults her or hurts her feelings. First, she spends time praying for the person, then she purchases or makes a thoughtful gift for them. In this process, her heart is protected from bitterness and the other person is often softened by her response.
- Do something good for them. This idea is straight from the verse above – do good to those who hate you. Remember – whatever you do, do it as for the Lord! If you are having difficulty thinking of a service you can perform for your discourager, pray that God will provide you with an opportunity.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.”
Colossians 3:23
