by wendy | Aug 20, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“Who do I speak to report something?” I asked the lady that looked like she might be a manager at the Cracker Barrel the other day.
“What do you need to report?” she asked hesitantly.
“Our waitress was amazing this morning.” I said with a smile. “We think she deserves another gold star!”
The manager beamed as she called back to the kitchen on her radio to “report” that one of the servers had been commended. As I glanced around, everyone was smiling – the hostesses, the lady at the register, the customers waiting to be seated. Grace makes an impact on everyone!
“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Ephesians 4:9
How can we “give grace” to those who hear? Grace can be described as goodwill, kindness, favor, and thanks. Here are a few ways to give grace to the people around you.
- Use your words: say “Thank you!” or “I appreciate you!” or any other words that express gratitude or praise. In response, use gentleness and kindness.
- Lend a hand: look for ways to serve others. Use your gifts to do things that others cannot do for themselves. Consider doing a good deed anonymously.
- Give a gift: a jar of fresh flowers, a card, a batch of cookies, anything that says,
“I care about you!”
- Listen: ask questions that enable others to share what is important or concerning for them. Be patient and engaged and compassionate. Be willing to just listen without offering advice.
- Offer forgiveness: understand that saying, “I forgive you” is not the same as saying, “It’s okay.”
- Ask for forgiveness: recognize your own failures and mistakes and humbly ask for forgiveness.
“Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.”
Colossians 4:6
by wendy | Aug 14, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
Harsh words and hurtful actions often say more about the person dishing them out than the one receiving them. When we are able to “Pause, Pray, and Preach to ourselves” in the face of insults, we give God the opportunity to reveal to us how He sees the other person and how we can be a part of building them up instead of tearing them down. What changes might we see in our world if we could choose to leave retribution up to God and instead focus on how we might help heal their hearts?
“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you,”
Luke 6:27
4 Ideas for Encouraging Your Discouragers:
- Only say encouraging words. Romans 12:14 tell us “bless and do not curse” and Proverbs 18:21 says that “the tongue has the power of life and death.” Even though we were taught, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all,” the Bible teaches us that we should actively speak blessings over our enemies.
- Pray for them. Sometimes boundaries are necessary for harmful relationships, but we can always pray. The Bible teaches us that prayer is a powerful form of warfare – and lest we forget, we are always at war with the enemy of our souls – the true enemy. Prayer also does a work in our own hearts and provides us with peace.
- Give a gift. A friend of mine once shared a special way that she deals with someone who insults her or hurts her feelings. First, she spends time praying for the person, then she purchases or makes a thoughtful gift for them. In this process, her heart is protected from bitterness and the other person is often softened by her response.
- Do something good for them. This idea is straight from the verse above – do good to those who hate you. Remember – whatever you do, do it as for the Lord! If you are having difficulty thinking of a service you can perform for your discourager, pray that God will provide you with an opportunity.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord.”
Colossians 3:23
by wendy | Aug 12, 2020 | Encouragement, Encouragement For Your Heart, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
I had the opportunity recently to serve as a mediator between two estranged parties. Each person is interested in helping a third person, but they are unable to cooperate with each other. At a particular point in the conversation, one aimed his angry comments directly at me. I was able to calmly respond because I knew he wasn’t really upset with me, I just happened to be available to absorb the heat of his frustration.
Sadly, this behavior is not all that unusual with any of us. I have a tendency to throw my fiery darts of frustration my husband’s way, even when I am not really frustrated with him at all. I am grateful that he is often able to discern that and does not retaliate, but many times it is this type of incident that births division in otherwise healthy relationships.
How then can we choose a better way? How can we choose to deflect the hurtful words and actions of others in a way that results in mercy, grace, forgiveness, and healing instead of anger, resentment, bitterness, and more pain? What does God ask us to do (and not do) when we become the target of insults and persecution?
Do not retaliate.
“Do not repay evil with evil, or insult with insult.”
1 Peter 3:9a
The idea of refusing to retaliate echos throughout Scripture. Over and over God explains that we should leave justice up to HIm.
“’In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Ephesians 4:26-27
We have a choice in our reactions to the behavior and words of others. Will we choose to take revenge ourselves – allowing the enemy of our souls to dictate our response? Or will we give it over to God and protect our hearts from the dangers of bitterness and resentment? Can we truly trust ourselves to provide justice without any evil thought or prideful actions? Can we trust God that He can provide peace between people and peace in our hearts?
In the article, “Forgiveness and Entrusting Justice to God,” Max Lucado explains why we should leave justice in God’s hands:
“He guarantees the right retribution. We give too much or too little. But the God of justice has the precise prescription. Unlike us, God never gives up on a person. Never.”
– Max Lucado
Our motive is self-preservation and pride. God’s motive is peace and righteousness of all.
Bless.
“On the contrary, repay evil with blessing,”
1 Peter 3:9b
The word blessing here means to speak good of someone, praise them, or do something good. In other words, encourage not discourage. This is so hard to do in the face of ugliness, but Jesus set the example for us.
“When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.”
1 Peter 2:23
What does it look like to bless someone who is evil to us? In the sermon, “The Final Step: Blessing Your Enemies,” Pastor Ray Pritchard lists 7 ways to live this out practically:
- Greet them.
- Disarm them.
- Do good to them.
- Refuse to speak evil of them.
- Thank God for them.
- Pray for them.
- Ask God to bless them.
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
Romans 12:20-21
But why?
“Because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
1 Peter 3:9b
- We are called. God calls us to put off the old self and put on the new self. (Ephesians 4:22-24) He calls us to honor others before ourselves. (Romans 12:10) He calls us to consider eternity first. (Colossians 3:2)
- We will be rewarded. (James 1:12)
- We can make a way for the other person. God is always interested in reconciliation. His desire is for each one of us to come to Him in repentance and to have a relationship with Him. (2 Peter 3:9) When we step back and allow God to deal with the actions of the one that has hurt us, we open the door for Him to do the work necessary to bring them to Him.
by wendy | Aug 6, 2020 | Tips for Encouraging Others, Uncategorized
It appears that one of the effects of the current pandemic is the number of people re-evaluating their lives and making significant changes. Retirement, school decisions, career changes, moving, downsizing, and reconnecting are just a few of the transitions I have noticed in many of the people I know. In addition to these purposeful shifts, are the changes people face every day – many of those not by choice: empty nest, divorce, loss of loved one, job loss, financial difficulty, etc.
It is difficult to know how to help in many of these situations, but we can be intentional about noticing those in the midst of transition and strive to do what can to offer them encouragement.
8 ways to encourage those in the midst of change:
1.Be a friend.
Reach out to check on those you know that are in a time of transition in their lives. Ask how they are doing and let them know you are thinking of them. Each of the tips below are practical ways to live this out, but being consistent through the time of changing will speak to the sincerity of your friendship.
2. Extend an invitation.
Times of change or transition can seem the most lonely. Invite someone that is dealing with change to go out for coffee or a meal. Ask them to join you in church or Bible study. Include them in your family’s plans or bring them into your circle of friends. Let them know that they are not alone.
3. Listen (without offering advice).
Call and ask how they are doing and then listen. Sit with them and offer your presence and nonjudgemental ear. Be a sounding board as they work through their options, their ideas, and their grief.
4. Offer a helping hand.
Fix a meal, clean their house, help fold laundry, pick up groceries, run errands, mow the grass, weed the flower bed, take out the trash, babysit, make a list, go to the post office, make phone calls, help pack, drive to the doctor’s appointment, feed the dog – whatever the needs, offer to help – or when appropriate just do it.
5. Speak or write words of encouragement.
Send a note, make the call, say the words. Here are few good ones:
“I hear you.”
“I love you.”
“I am thinking about you.”
“I am praying for you.”
“You are important to me.”
“You are on my mind.”
“Your friendship is a blessing to me.”
“I want to be an encouragement to you.”
“How can I specifically pray for you?”
6. Share helpful resources.
Times of transition can be lonely, confusing, and overwhelming. If you have been through a similar transition or change, you likely have helpful resources you can share. If not, connect them with another friend who shares the experience.
7. Pray.
Pray for God’s direction, strength, and help in the midst of the transition. Ask how you can specifically pray. Send a note to remind them you are praying. Follow up to know how you can continue to pray. Pray with them whenever possible.
8. Remember the blessings.
It can be very hard to see the blessings in the midst of transition. Help them to recall the blessings by asking specifically and pointing out the good that is happening. Consider writing the blessing down for them so they can look back over those later or suggesting that they journal the blessings they see.
by wendy | Jul 30, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Hospitality, Prayer, Tips for Encouraging Others
Tuesday seemed like a day for everything bad to happen! All day long I received news of difficult things that people I know were going through. Several people fell and were seriously injured, a house burnt down, a friend began to notice signs of dementia in a loved one, several of my kids had stressful days, it seemed to go on and on. Even those who didn’t experience specific trauma seemed weary – the world seems weary.
I often have to remind myself that, while I want to be supportive, I need to not take on the weariness of others. Instead I must search for ways to encourage those that are weary. I need to pause, pray, and preach to myself so I can find my strength in the Lord and pass on that strength to those that need it.
“The Sovereign Lord has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary.”
Isaiah 50:4
Here are a few ideas for encouraging the weary:
1.Share the Word
God’s strength is available for each of us. His word gives us hope – and hope strengthens us! Share Scripture on your social media, write a verse in a card (or use one of the enclosure cards in the newsletter this week!), memorize Scripture so you can share it in the moment, post Scripture in your home, car, and office.
2. Give a gift
My Bible Study group once gave me a gift card for a massage when I was going through a very difficult time. A friend sent me a book of uplifting stories when I was down. Gifts are wonderful expressions of encouragement and can be practical and meaningful at the same time. An inspirational print, a gift card for coffee or a treat, a pretty scarf or t-shirt, a new mug – so many ideas!
3. Sit and Listen
Invite someone over to sit in your space and relax. Whether you offer a cup of coffee, breakfast or lunch, or a glass of ice water on the back porch – just providing someone a safe place to rest is key.
4. Say a Prayer
After listening to someone pour out their heart about their struggles and exhaustion, ask if you can pray with them. A simple prayer to ask God to give them rest and to thank Him for what He is doing is all that is needed. The best encouragement we can offer is to carry someone right into the presence of God!
5. Share Your Story
It is difficult to find hope in the midst of weariness. A tired and empty spirit is often dry and weak. When you share your experience of how God has lifted you out of those times, you share hope and give strength. Even if your experience is not identical (it never is!), just the reminder that God is able can be enough to pull someone out of the pit of despair and give them an anchor to hold on to.
“For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”
Jeremiah 31:25
by wendy | Jul 23, 2020 | Encouragement, Godly Relationships, Tips for Encouraging Others
“See that you do not despise one of these little ones. For I tell you that in heaven their angels always see the face of my Father who is in heaven.”
Matthew 18:10
Just about every encouragement tip we talk about here can be applied to the children in your life as well, but here a few ideas specifically for encouraging the children in your life:
- Let them know you see them.
Everyone needs to know they are seen. Make eye contact with children you see. Smile. Say hello. Call them by name. You never know how meaningful that could be to a child who feels unseen.
- Encourage them to try new things.
Most things are new experiences for children. How will they know what they are good at if they don’t try things? Do you remember the time when you first tried the thing you love to do most? Whenever possible, encourage kids to try new hobbies, new foods, new experiences.
- Remind them that it is okay to fail and affirm their resilience.
Rarely does a person get things right the first time. Kids need to know that they can fail and they need to experience recovery from a failure. We learn most when we have to try again. Resilience and perseverance are more healthy than perfectionism.
- Notice their passions and gifts.
Just as I shared in my post yesterday about the teacher that noticed my artistic ability, my parents were also a great encouragement to my sister and I to pursue the things that we loved. It only takes a small amount of observation and conversation to discover a child’s passions. Simply showing interest and asking questions will encourage them.
- Teach them about something you love.
Take the time to teach a child about something you love to do. Invite them to join you while you cook or bake, show them how to knit or crochet, teach them a favorite card game or how to bait a hook, ask them to help you fix the car or weed the garden. You might just spark an interest they never would have known they had.
- Ask them about their highs and lows.
When you ask a child about their highs (the best things that happened today or this week) and lows (the worst thing that happened today or this week) you are showing an interest in how they really feel about things. When we show others we value their opinions we give them the confidence to speak up.
Other variations:
“What was the best thing and the worst thing about your vacation?”
“What is your favorite character in the book/movie and your least favorite?”
“What food do you like best? What food do you like least?”
Everyone needs to feel heard. Take the time to listen to a child. Ask questions and respond to what they are saying.
Pray with and for children. When our children were younger, we prayed with them each night. We started with the oldest child to the youngest child and then Jerry and I. I loved hearing their hearts as they prayed for others and I know it was meaningful to them as they heard Jerry and I pray for each of them by name. Ask children how they would like you to pray for them and then give them confirmation that you have been praying.
- Tell children where you have seen God at work in your life.
When you talk about how you see God at work, it helps children to learn to look for Him at work in their lives as well. We need to pass along the stories of God’s love, provision, and protection to our kids. When we share our faith, their faith grows and develops.
“I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.”
3 John 1:4
